I'm getting anxious. Big decisions are being made. Nightly. And up until now I've been surprisingly good at not second-guessing myself and our decision to move home. Especially earlier this week which I believed "Team Kentucky" to be the obvious winner for the day.
In one day I spoke with the cutest woman on the planet back home about house insurance and left each conversation with that wonderful warm fuzzy feeling when you talk to a stranger who is unusually nice. It's odd that sometimes that's a rarity here- and I'm not dissing San Francisco but it really can be several attempts before I get a return smile from anyone on the street- but the woman on the phone genuinely sounded happy for me that I was moving to Paris- a refreshing response when I usually leave the "I'm moving to Kentucky" conversation semi-exhausted and embarrassed from defending myself.
This positive spin on small-town life coupled with a nasty experience at a hipster dive bar in the city later that day that left me with flashbacks of high school and not fitting in with either the ridiculous perfect popular kids or the equally ridiculous ironic t-shirt and tattoos crowd. I just wanted to scream "Please brush that decade-old chip off your shoulder! High school is over! You do not have to be rude to me just because I may remind you of the girl who was a bitch to you back then! You're both equally as hateful! Don't you see??"
And yes I am aware that I had a day of extremes: the best of small southern town and the worst of big city life- but it was definitely making me feel more confident about leaving here.
And then I went home to Pacifica.
Oh sweet, small, surfer-town Pacifica. You are so beautiful in the fall and winter. I thought we would be gone before your best part of the year began but we're right in the thick of it.
I went to the Farmers Market by the ocean, a market I rarely get to because of its odd hours but that day I was able to marvel at everything and really enjoy myself. As I walked around the open air I discovered my favorite Pacifica local-merchant shop has moved next to the market and closer to my house and I had forgotten what a great place to find homemade gifts for people it can be. Then I realized how wonderfully less expensive the market produce is here compared to San Francisco but still the same great quality. And I was ecstatic to find out that recently the city has started a community garden in an abandoned soccer field and anyone can volunteer and they give workshops on suburban gardening and sustainable eating.
And then my heart semi-broke.
I've been so busy cramming everything San Francisco in before we leave that I had forgotten how wonderful and unique Pacifica is. I've been comparing Kentucky vs San Francsico and I forgot how great small-town life is because I'm already living it. I realized I'll never get to work in the community garden, or learn to surf down the street from my house or see the ocean every single day on my way home- all things that have nothing to do with San Francisco and everything to do with where I really live: a sleepy little hippie town nestled on the beautiful Pacific coast.
I'm really going to miss it.
